5 Common Myths Indian Senior Citizens Need to Break

As mentioned in the previous post, on the 1^st of October I had a chance to meet two groups of Senior Citizens in Kerala. I conducted two sessions for them on the theme ‘Ageing gracefully, ageing meaningfully – where am I?’

One of the sessions dealt with the sub-theme, ‘Five common myths for us to break’. Let me share with you these myths. I would like to know from you which of these is often a reality for you. 

1.       My time is over. What am I useful for hereafter!

This is a negative thought. At no stage in our life should we say that our time is over, because at every stage three are things that we can do in our own unique ways. There is no wasteland, there is only wasted land. A good farmer will know which plant is good for which soil. I am a teacher who completed my tenure with my university in 2007. But I’m not yet ‘retired’. The university can show me the door, but they cannot ‘retire’ me.

Now I’m busy reading, writing, publishing and leading workshops. In fact, I’m busier now than when I was working for the university and even have the advantage that I do not have to sign any attendance register! I can work whenever I want to work. When I can’t read, write or conduct workshops, I’ve half a dozen other things to do!

2.       What is there for me to learn at this age?

There is an old adage, ‘you cannot teach an old dog new tricks’. Wrong thinking! The old dog will learn new tricks if he is convinced of the need to learn. Mahatma Gandhi said, ‘Learn as if you are going to live forever, live as if you are going to die tomorrow’. Indeed, the word ‘learn’ is the key. The American psychologist and one of the founders of the humanistic approach to psychology, Carl Rogers says ‘to learn is to change’.

The teacher who teaches new tricks should be an effective teacher. We, senior citizens have a lot to learn. I asked a group of 250 senior citizens, how many of them knew to send an SMS. Only seven of them lifted their hands. I asked them how many of you can save a number on your mobile, only three knew it. How many can insert a music CD into a computer and listen to your favourite songs? Again, only three!

3.       I have resigned. Nothing in life interests me anymore.

This is a dangerous myth. At no stage in our life should we ever resign. What keeps our life going and makes it meaningful are our passions. No passion, no life. Passion is like the fire that ignites us. There are thousands of things around us to set us on fire. I, at 68, am interested in farming, travelling, organizing, writing poetry, ironing clothes, washing plates and many other things. I do them passionately, what about you?

4.       My children are my everything

What a pity! Most Indian senior citizens have no life of their own. They sacrifice themselves on the altar of their family all through their life. I quoted the famous Lebanese writer Khalil Gibran to my group. “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself”.

5.       I have given so long! Let me now sit down and take

Goodness! What a selfish myth. All our religions teach us that it is in giving that we get. We can give our time, prayers, guidance, expertise and many other things. I closed with a quote from

Stephen Grellet: ‘I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it for I shall not pass this way again’.

At the sessions, I asked which of these myths they needed to break urgently. Many responded, the second and the fourth were the most common. What are yours?

Ageing gracefully, ageing meaningfully, where am I?

‘Ageing gracefully, ageing meaningfully, where am I?’

This was the theme of the day for me on this Wednesday, the 1^st of the October, which happened to be the Senior Citizen’s day. I had a chance to share this theme with two large groups in two separate sessions on the day.

The first session was in St. Thomas Hospital, Chethipuzha in Changanachery, Kerala, where they introduced a new system called ‘No Queue for 80+’. Under this system, patients above the age of 80 would be given a ‘No Queue’ card, which would allow them to avoid waiting in queues whenever they come to the hospital.

The second session was at Newman College, Thodupuzha, which is celebrating its Silver Jubilee this year. Dr. TM Joseph, a friend of mine and the college’s Principal, had got together about 250 senior citizens, men and women mostly above the age of 70.

Let me share with you the way I introduced the theme and the response it generated. Ageing gracefully, in Malayalam, is ageing with ‘Aiswaryam’. The word Aiswaryam is derived from the world Iswara, which means God. There are five simple dimensions to this process which have an everyday practical application.

• Maintain a pleasant face.

We cannot change the shape of our face (at least for most of us), but we can influence how we want to look like.

• Have an attitude of looking for what is there, instead of what is not there.

I particularly invited the womenfolk who outnumbered the men in both the gatherings to bring to mind their life partner or their daughter-in-law. What goodness do you find in him/her in spite of whatever he/she may lack? This created a lot of heart-search. (What a pity, we need to search and re-search in order to locate the good things in the people who are closest to us. It is easy to love mankind, but difficult to love a person!)

• An attitude of appreciation.

We Keralites are notorious for lacking this. We can’t appreciate, because we are over-critical and mostly negative. I have had occasion to interact closely with several Europeans who come to India to lead TCI workshops. My impression is, they have a mind to appreciate even small things like a hot cup of tea or a delicious dish. A Keralite’s favourite response is “not bad”. However good a food item is, our response is likely to be limited to a ‘not bad’, even when an ‘excellent’ or ‘very good’ is legitimate.

It is important for us, particularly those who are in the process of ageing gracefully, to be able to appreciate. It triggers positive chemical processes in the system.

• A thankful heart.

Gratitude is the noblest attitude. As we grow older, we have more reasons to be grateful. After all, life is a tale of indebtedness, because we need one another to grow up with. Nobody can win heaven, if there is a heaven outside of earth, all by himself. We are designed that way. Let’s be thankful. 

• Those who age gracefully will turn obstacles into stepping stones.

In my session I shared the story of an old donkey who fell into an unused well. The owner of the well was confused as to what to do. Lifting the donkey out of the well will be expensive, so he decided to bury the donkey alive in the well. He procured two truck-loads of soil and without anybody noticing started dumping the soil basket by basket into the well. But, he did not have the heart to look at the supposedly dying animal and did not look down into the well as he dropped the earth. The donkey, however, was climbing on top of each basket of soil that was thrown into the well, and soon casually walked out of the almost-filled up well. 

If an old ‘stupid’ donkey can turn his obstacles into stepping stones, can’t we do the same? The senior citizens laughed and shook their heads!

In the second session, I had time to ask any interested person to come forward and share which of these five points was the most relevant to him or her. Three participants from the group of 250 came forward. Interestingly, all three of them said what they needed to learn was to appreciate.

I appreciate you for the time you spared to read this. Don't forget to share this with your friends to whom this might be useful. Take care!